


He's an English Beauty, I'm an Irish Psycho

by Diaryofanarcissisticgayman



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Niall seems a little crazy, Oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 15:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3900613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diaryofanarcissisticgayman/pseuds/Diaryofanarcissisticgayman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall really didn’t mean for it to happen. He’ll maintain that until the day he dies. So he might have had a slight crush. Or obsession. It depended on who you asked. Everyone else says it’s borderline-stalkerish, but Niall maintains that it’s just a healthy appreciation of the male form. One particularly gorgeous, slow talking, curly haired, green eyed male form from his intro to music theory lecture, but the male form none the less.</p><p>Title is a play on American Beauty/ American Psycho by Fall Out Boy</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's an English Beauty, I'm an Irish Psycho

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nannea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nannea/gifts).



Niall really didn’t mean for it to happen. He’ll maintain that until the day he dies. So he might have had a slight crush. Or obsession. It depended on who you asked. Everyone else says it’s borderline-stalkerish, but Niall maintains that it’s just a healthy appreciation of the male form. One particularly gorgeous, slow talking, curly haired, green eyed male form from his intro to music theory lecture, but the male form none the less.

Except now he may have to face the remote possibility that it’s more than just a crush, and has in fact crossed into slightly insane territory. But still, he really didn’t mean for it to happen. He didn’t even intentionally sit next to the lad. Harry, as the license sat on Niall’s desk informs him is the name of the god among men, sat next to Niall unprompted, breaking from his usual pattern of sitting right in the front row. They hadn’t talked of course. Harry hadn’t even really looked in Niall’s general direction except when he sat down, giving a polite nod to the blond that made his heart flutter for nearly the entire lecture.

That’s what he blames this whole thing on, because he really, truly did not mean to do this. It’s not his fault that he was so caught up in being acknowledged by the guy he’s spent an entire semester staring at to notice that he’d grabbed the wrong bag when he left. And in his defense, they’re both very similar looking brown leather messenger bags. Now he’s stuck with Harry’s bag, and really doesn’t know what to do, so that’s why he’s going through the contents of the bag. It’s totally not because he’s a crazy stalker.

“Um- Niall? What are you doing?” Liam asks cautiously from the door.

Niall’s head snaps around, and maybe diving forward onto the accidentally stolen materials isn’t the most discreet way to handle things. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror they have set up next to the door, and yeah, maybe he has gone crazy. He definitely looks it, perched in his chair with wild eyes and his arms curled protectively over his treasure horde like a deranged little gremlin. Gollum has nothing on Niall right now. “Nothing?” Niall replies, his voice going high at the end like a question.

“What’ve you got there?” Liam questions, his voice soft and placating like he’s talking to a dangerous wild animal. It would be incredibly condescending if Niall didn’t look the part.

“You aren’t allowed to judge me if I tell you.” Niall sighs.

“Alright mate.” Liam nods, taking a seat on his bed with his hands folded on his lap. There’s a solid ninety percent chance that he’s trying to figure out whether Niall needs an intervention, or if he’s just too far gone and needs to be institutionalized. It wouldn’t be the first time Niall has been verging on a mental breakdown since starting Uni.

“I grabbed the wrong bag when I left my lecture.” Niall admits.

“Why haven’t you taken it to student services?” Liam asks.

“It belongs to Hottie Mc’Curls.” Niall mumbles, utilizing the name that he’d been calling Harry by for the entire semester. What? He didn’t know his name.

“What?” Liam asks. “Niall, you have to speak louder.”

“It belongs to Hottie Mc’Curls.” Niall groans.

“You stole his bag?” Liam squawks, his eyes widening in what appears to be absolute horror.

“No!” Niall huffs. “He sat next to me, and I grabbed the wrong bag. They look basically the same.”

“Right. And your obsession with the guy had nothing to do with it.” Liam scoffs. “I’m sure that you’re just going through all of his things for completely benign purposes.”

“Oh my god, you make it sound like I want to trap him in my basement and make a suit out of his skin or something.” Niall says with a roll of his eyes.

“Jesus! What the hell Niall?” Liam yelps, shuffling backwards on his bed until his back is against the wall. “How would you even think of something like that?”

“Watch a fucking movie that wasn’t made by Disney every once in a while you dumbass.” Niall sighs. “It’s from Silence of the Lambs. My point is that I’m not doing anything maliciously. I didn’t steal the money from his wallet or anything. I went through his bag to try and find his dorm room. It’s not on his license, or his student ID. I was hoping it might be written somewhere in one of his notebooks, but it’s not there either.”

“Then I repeat my question, why haven’t you taken it to student services?” Liam asks.

“Well I was hoping to get my bag back as well, and apologize for taking it in the first place.” Niall explains.

“Liar.” Liam says with a knowing look. “You were hoping that he’d be so grateful for you returning his bag that he’d ask you on a date.”

“Well I wouldn’t complain if it happened to go down that way.” Niall mumbles. Stupid Liam, seeing right through him so easily. “A lad can dream.”

“You can dream.” Liam nods. “What you can’t do is steal private property just to find out information about the guy whose face you stare at so much you’re nearly failing a required course.”

“I’m doing just fine in the class Liam.” Niall lies. He really hasn’t retained almost any information. It took him three lectures before he finally just gave in and started recording them because he really can’t focus on much other than Harry’s gorgeous profile. “And I didn’t do this on purpose. My mind was just a bit scattered when I left. If he hadn’t sat next to me, then this wouldn’t have happened. Really, it’s his fault.”

“Victim blaming is beneath you.” Liam huffs.

“We’re both victims!” Niall hisses. “I may have taken the bag, but I also didn’t have anything I needed for my next lecture. If he doesn’t turn over my bag to student services, then not only am I screwed out of multiple classes’ worth of notes, but I also lose my iPod.”

“Then go down and turn his bag over.” Liam says firmly. “Whenever they call him to let him know his possessions are there, he’ll probably-”

Liam’s rant is interrupted by a knock at the door, which Niall is actually mildly grateful for, even if he does look like a disheveled lunatic. Liam makes his way to the door while Niall tries to haphazardly shove Harry’s belongings back in his bag. Nobody else needs to be exposed to Niall’s current level of mania. He also really doesn’t feel like explaining this to anyone else. Particularly Louis, Liam’s ‘not-boyfriend’ who’s really the only person to ever come around.

“Harry?” Liam says in surprise when he opens the door. Niall freezes mid-action. Surely it can’t be. There have to be four hundred Harrys on campus. Liam cannot have been hiding the fact that Louis’ roommate just also happens to be Hottie Mc’Curls. Niall can’t be that unlucky, having turned down several invitations to meet the bloke on Liam’s lads’ nights out. Niall learned early in their freshman year that Liam’s lads’ nights out were often boring, and led to a quickly inebriated Liam snogging Louis’ face off. He’s avoided them ever since.

“Liam?” a horrifyingly familiar voice replies. “Sorry. I must have the wrong room. I was looking for-”

“He was looking for Blondie Mc’Snoggable.” Louis’ voice cuts in. “That bloke he never shuts up about from his intro to music theory class stole his bag, the little cunt. He had this address written in his bag. I didn’t even realize it was yours until we got up here. I’m usually a bit less sober when we end up here. C’mon Haz, you should just take the damn thing to student services and be done with it.”

“Actually, you found the right place.” Liam sighs, opening the door all the way. Yup, Niall is going to die. Hottie Mc’Curls and Harry are indeed one and the same, and Niall is literally going to die. Not metaphorically. Literally. “Niall, this is Harry. Harry, Niall. Whatever. This is giving me a headache, and I have a lab at seven.”

Harry leans over and whispers something in Louis’ ear and the shorter lad cackles. “No fucking way. Niall is Blondie Mc’Snoggable? Why didn’t you tell me he was Irish? I could have totally pointed you in the right direction then.”

“Louis!” Harry gasps, his face flushing a bright red.

“Oh relax. Niall never shuts up about you either, assuming you’re who he means when he talks about Hottie Mc’Curls.” Louis snorts. Niall is praying for a lightning strike or a meteor crash. Something, anything, to make this moment end so that Niall won’t have to see the train wreck that is the result. “Honestly, how I didn’t see it before I’ll never know. You’re both perfect for each other. You even came up with similarly stupid nicknames because you’re both such giant pussies you won’t even speak to one another. You two exchange bags, or numbers, or bodily fluids. Whatever. I’m taking Liam back to ours to help relieve that headache.”

“Thank god.” Liam mutters, stepping out the door and tugging Louis along by the wrist.

“Well, that was sufficiently mortifying.” Niall squeaks out after what has to be at least two full minutes of awkward silence, wherein Harry just hovers outside of Niall’s dorm. “I wonder if I can transfer schools this late in the semester. Better check.”

“Hottie Mc’Curls?” Harry asks after another minute of awkward silence.

“Blondie Mc’Snoggable?” Niall fires back.

“Okay, fair enough.” Harry chuckles. “I uh- I would have just taken this to student services, but you don’t have any identification, and I know for a fact that they’d just throw it in a lost and found bin that people would steal from if they can’t find you in under five minutes.”

“I was doing the opposite.” Niall admits. “I was hoping to find your address so I could apologize for taking your bag instead of just dropping it off with student services.”

“It happens.” Harry says with a shrug. “This isn’t the first time it’s happened to me.”

“Really?” Niall asks hopefully.

“Okay it is, but really, it could happen to anyone.” Harry sighs.

“I didn’t steal your money or anything.” Niall assures him, holding out Harry’s bag.

“And your iPod is still in here.” Harry smiles, handing Niall his bag at the same time he grabs his own. “I uh- I know this is awkward after what just happened and all, but would you mind if I stayed here until seven? They’ll be going at it in our room, and I hate working in the library.”

“No, that’s fine.” Niall chuckles. He’s well aware of Liam and Louis’ antics, having seen far too much of both lads over the year they’ve been hooking up. “I was uh- I was going to go get dinner soon though.”

“Oh. Never mind then.” Harry mutters. 

“Do you want to come?” Niall asks. “To get food I mean. Then we could come back up here.”

“Sure.” Harry beams. “Mind if I leave my bag?”

“No, that’s fine.” Niall replies, shaking his head. “I’ll pay, yeah? As a proper apology.”

“No, I’ll pay.” Harry tells him.

“I’m the one who took your bag though.” Niall points out.

“And I’m the one who’s hoping you’ll let me take you out properly.” Harry says before quickly adding “Like, as a date.”

“Oh.” Niall says, ever the master of eloquence.

“It’s just, I think you’re really cute. I’ve been barely passing intro to music theory because I keep using my webcam to check you out while I record the lectures.” Harry explains. “I was going to talk to you after class today, but you kind of ran out of there.”

“I have back to back lectures on Fridays.” Niall sighs. “I was halfway there when I realized I didn’t have the right bag.”

“Oh, well at least it wasn’t because I freaked you out or something.” Harry grins.

“No, you definitely freaked me out.” Niall snorts. “I’ve been staring at you all semester, so having you sit right next to me was a bit intimidating.”

“So-” Harry hums. “Is that a yes to a date?”

“Uh, sure.” Niall nods. “I’d like that.”

He really didn’t mean for this to happen, but now he’s really glad that it did.


End file.
